Damn you, sunshine.
The sun has returned! And with it, my happiness meter has generously slid from general malaise to return pep to step. Music sounds better, food has flavor again, and I’m feeling more dramatic than ever.
With this newfound energy, I started playing a game where once every hour I’ll try to pick out one thing that I found amusing, caught me off guard, or made my heart happy – it’s been a real treat.
Just yesterday, I took an evening stroll to the supermarket, strictly in an attempt to close my exercise ring for a competition (I still lost) and for a replacement car chapstick. Walking up to the driveway opening, a lovely gal slowed to let me cross in front of her. I gave the extra-effort shuffle to show my appreciation and also mouthed ‘your headlights are off’ while making the universal twisting motion. She gave a nod, her headlights flipped on, and she drove off into the night.
A perfect exchange. Efficient. Polite. Purposeful. It made me even HAPPIER – which I hated. What if I did this all the time? Appreciating ordinary moments and finding a cost free way to obtain… happiness? Local coffee shops might not appreciate that endeavor for the sake of their profit margins… but I guess it can’t be a win-win situation all the time.
Seriously though, I can’t imagine the kind of person I’d be if I religiously let those tiny moments marinate. The little kid wearing yellow rain boots jumping over cracks on the sidewalk. Opening your mailbox to see a handwritten card from a family member or friend. A starburst sunset dancing off the glass of high rise buildings. Small moments of joy, all around me, all the time. Gross.
It’s almost annoying how easy it could be to just be a positive person. I like to tell myself that life is spicier and a little more fun when you’re cynical. Giving off main character energy like a brooding actor, unjustly beaten down by life any time the tiniest inconvenience were to arise.
Be honest. Do you want to hear about the cute kid in the tiny boots — or how I got stuck in my parking garage, had to run down the alley until I had good enough service, and then call my boss to tell him I was, in fact, trapped inside my apartment building and would be late?
In the moment that sucked. I was panicked and annoyed and that stayed with me for the next couple of hours. I gave aggressive looks to everyone driving insufferably slow in front of me on the highway. Didn’t they know I was late?
The worst part is that I’ll carry that frustration into everything. Instead of seeing the card in my mailbox and being touched by the gesture, I’m irritated knowing I have to write back and don’t have any more stamps. Great… another errand. Rather than appreciate the sherbert sunset, I’m stuck squinting for the next 3 miles on my run because I walked out without my sunglasses. Idiot.
I love a satisfying ‘woe is me’ moment. Pouty pants. It’s a self deprecating humor gold mine. But that’s just it. It needs to be a moment and not a pervasive mindset. When I get stuck in negative nancy mode it’s a quick slide from there into the trenches of depression where I’m stuck moping around with perpetually damp socks.
This new challenge has been a good practice at forcing myself to have a mood reset at least once each hour. Sometimes I’ll even physically snap my fingers as a reminder to flip the damn switch and open up my eyes to the positive moments constantly happening around me.
The impact has already been noticeable and here’s to hoping it sticks. One more question though… Why haven’t I moved somewhere where there’s sunshine all the time?