She was, after all, just a girl. Wrapping herself in her towel, she wiped her stinging eyes and walked back into the world with the weight of newfound shame draped around her.

With newfound clarity and the wisdom of quiet determination, it was time to put all these lessons to work and find a new job

A few beads of sweat rolled past my temples and I wiped them before they could drip off my chin. Career choice: ‘Did not meet expectations’. I laughed at my own corporate performance eval joke and pressed on.

My walk slowed as I passed the security guard who gave a nod that, to me, had the finality of a goodbye and the encouragement of a new beginning. I dipped my head in return and spun through the revolving door — never looking back. 

They were no longer on the ‘grown up’ pedestal, but now seemed relatable and approachable in a previously unexperienced way. Just another human, with stories and stressors, in the same way that I have stories and stressors too.

I’m delighted you’ve moved in. By the sounds of it, you must be an avid walker, a night club DJ, and a carpenter. Quite a curious combination if you ask me but I’m dying to know how you’ve gotten so skilled at them all. 

A montage of romanticized images continued to filter through her gaze while she stared absently out the window. Laughing together at a family party, cozying up and watching a movie, or hustling through the airport together with luggage in tow. 

Why does it seem as though, despite an intense longing for starting a new hobby, these ideas so rarely move beyond anything more than a well-intentioned idea? 

Unfettered by a need for constant check-ins and updates, their only rule was to be home for dinner when the street lights came on. Without fear of constant surveillance or a potential need for lies and deceit, they were able to develop autonomy.

I knew about macros, TDEE, and other calculators to properly fuel myself while I was an athlete, but I had no idea how to handle a new onset of guilt around eating food and being kind to myself while I figured out portion control in this less active state. This was the real start of a very unhealthy relationship with food.

I’m part of an ever dwindling group of folks who don’t have a dog. Particularly after covid, there seemed to be a pet adoption explosion where suddenly it was the thing to do (I’m looking at you doodle and dachshund owners).

We’ve all been there – telling a strange, roundabout story that’s meant primarily to emphasize the great work we did, how we saved a project, received high praise, etc. It feels… gross. Especially if you’re of the humble lot.

Unsolicited advice feels like an attack on personal intelligence and often comes with a ‘you should’ statement which feels like work.

All of these articles and gurus telling me who I should be and how I should think. It became a game of self-fulfilling prophecies. A ridiculous attempt at controlling discomfort or disconnection I felt in certain situations.

What’s wrong with you? I asked myself again. This time out loud. I sat up and looked myself in the eye in a floor to ceiling mirror. I felt my fists clench and brow furrow, the answer bubbling up inside me, but fear of what uttering the truth out loud would mean keeping the words choked in the back of my throat.

I can’t imagine the kind of person I’d be if I religiously let those tiny moments marinate. The little kid wearing yellow rain boots jumping over cracks on the sidewalk. Opening your mailbox to see a handwritten card from a family member or friend. A starburst sunset dancing off the glass of high rise buildings. Small moments of joy, all around me, all the time. Gross.

Starting to come into your own in different stages of your life can leave some people behind. You’re not outgrowing them, just yourself, and that might not be attractive to everyone.

Should I do this? If I can create this insurance policy for myself now, would it be imprudent for me not to?

There is no super friend who does it all, or a romanticized movie version of what friendship looks like, but rather a web of friends who collectively weave the perfect structure of love and support. 

Where there’s an earthy smell filling the air, a sharp crack of thunder, and a steady downpour of raindrops bouncing off the roof. I miss those a lot.